did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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