Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
