I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
