Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
