I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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