he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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