i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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