Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
