Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
40s are totally the cure
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
