New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
