im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
