what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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