I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
