she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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