That's intense
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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