i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found the puke drawer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
