Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
