I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
