dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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