It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
