3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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