i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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