I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
