I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
