did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
zippers are such a cool invention
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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