Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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