hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
