It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize