tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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