I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
