I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
