Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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