There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
