I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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