She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
