Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
