i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
