I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
