I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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