there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
