this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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