well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
