I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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