I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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