I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize