i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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