mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
