you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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