We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
