i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
