I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
