i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
