wat bout pragnant strippers??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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