Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
