Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
