My brain says no but my pants say off.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
