Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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