I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
