2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he thought i was a dude.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i need some magic done to my vagina
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