you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
