Jerry, you need to find god
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
