it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
