walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
