He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
