Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
