apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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