i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
