I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
