i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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