I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
