We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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