Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
