I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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