Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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