Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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