It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
