guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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