Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
