I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
