Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
